Packaged homeopathy

When she caught me scratching my head for the umpteenth time that day, mom ruled – “You have dandruff. You’re going to the doctor. Today”. I knew she meant business. She always does, in the tone of voice that she employed that day. Strangely, dad too collaborated. So, it was off to the doc’s.. Since I had tasted everything that the Ayurvedic and Allopathic fraternities could churn out for the life-threatening condition called dandruff, Dad suggested that we try homeopathy this time. I remembered seeing a chic-looking homeopathy clinic near Navarang Circle in Bangalore. So that was were we went, dad and me, on a fine Saturday evening. As we entered the clinic premises, we were greeted by building construction debris and the like strewn in front of the premises. Somehow we crossed the “moat” and entered the clinic. We were greeted courteously with frowns by their receptionists. I told them that I wanted to meet the doctor – any doctor on their panel. The receptionist quickly launched into an interrogation – where do u stay, what’s your “condition”, where did u read about us and the like. At the third question, she was promptly cut down to size. She then informed me that it would cost me Rs. 250 in consultation fees to see the doctor. While dad groaned inwardly, I was duly impressed. For, until then, I had this logic that costly services are generally good. After waiting for about 5 mins, we were ushered in to see the doctor. We found the doctor scribbling on his hand-held, in an apparent move to impress patients. After waiting patiently for another 5 mins, we were given a curt nod by the doctor – a signal to start talking. I quickly told him about my problem. Compassion overfloweth from the doctor’s face – very sadly he informed me that dandruff was very difficult to treat, and that I would soon end up bald – that is, unless I followed his advice to the letter. I wondered inwardly whether he himself had joined this hospital before or after he “contracted” dandruff.. I mentally cautioned myself not to trust this guy, since he did not meet my eyes while talking – I guess the floor appeared more interesting to this guy, than my poor oily face. He told us that he would examine me after I had gone out, completed the “formalities”, and opened a case file.Now, I was a little perplexed, especially because the staff outside looked nervous. I found out the reason soon enough – I had to opt for a “package”, and my choice was limited to whether I wanted a 6-month-package, or a 2-year package. And I was told that I had to pay the full amount upfront, some 3k for the cheapest one. I just sat there dumbfounded, wondering whether this was really happening in modern India!! I wondered aloud what would happen to my money if I wanted to discontinue the treatment before the stipulated period was over. I got a flamboyant reply from the receptionist, with an over-spiced accent, “Sir, it is mentioned very clearly in the flyer, your money will not be refunded”. I had nothing to tell the receptionist – I simply had no intention of throwing away hard-earned money to people who had no reservations in openly printing swindler schemes on flyers and were capable of presenting it to anybody who cared, without a hint of shame!! Just as we had stated our apologies and risen up, we were hit by another demand – that we pay Rs.250 for “consultation”. And all that the doctor did was to inform me that I would go bald soon, and that he would examine me later!!My patience had taken a walk – I gave the receptionist a full 5 minutes of gyaan, after which I walked out.There ended my tryst with homeopathy – no packaged homeopathy for me, please!!